FALLING OUT OF BED
By Jonathan H. Gerard, PhD
It is not unusual for children to fall out of bed at night. (It is not unusual for grownups to fall out of bed at night but this is not a column of sex advice.) The problem for your child inevitably comes during those first few nights or weeks when you have transferred him from the safety of a crib to the initially more dangerous environment of a bed.
Here’s what many parents do to try to prevent their children from falling out of bed: They say, “Don’t fall out of bed.”
At first blush this seems like pretty good advice. Why, then, do so many children decline to take it? It has nothing to do with bad memory or rebelliousness or inexperience in a bed or even with a disinclination to take advice. (This latter comes only with increasing adulthood.)
The reason that children do not seem to listen to your heartfelt and useful advice has to do with the way you say it. First of all, you are telling your child to remember something. Remembering is a mental activity that is hard to do during the day and that one rarely does in one’s sleep. Secondly, you are asking your child to remember NOT to do something. This amounts to a second order abstraction that may seem easy but is really hard—for adults as well as for children.
It is rarely good advice to tell someone to remember not to do something. Remember not to burn the toast. Remember not to let the toilet paper run out. Remember not to overdraw your checking account.
Do not tell your child to do any of these things. Here is what you should say, in order for you to help your child remain safely on the bed all night: “Remember to sleep against the wall.”
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